Domestic Bliss

When you move in with someone, a relationship changes. When you are living apart and going out the time that you spend together is special and enjoyable because you are seeing each other less and therefore have more to talk about and look forward to it.

When you live together you get to see each other at all times in all different moods. And you get to talk about mundane everyday issues like refuge collection, dishwasher tablets and ironing boards. You get to go out in between these times so you live with each other throughout the life cycle of good days and bad days.

You find out whether a person is 'high maintenance' (hard to please and get on with) or 'low maintenance' (easy to please and live with). When you are just dating everyone is low maintenance because the time spent together is concise, arranged and managed. You see hints of what kind of person you are getting involved with before you move in- especially as you date for longer and the real person comes out- but you don't always register the implications of these hints until you have moved in. So you need to date for long enough before you move in together to see the real person.

I guess one of the keys is to be willing to compromise and not worry about the small stuff too much- defer to your partner on minor details. Give each other space and live your own life. Don't make conversation for the sake of it- listen and learn to relax.

You still need to have the special times to look forward to so that you have what you had before but also the routine and habit and expectations from living together. The special times can be the big nights out and the bed nights in.

Moving in together is a big step- and when you have moved in there are big challenges too. It varies but it probably takes 2 or 3 months to settle down and get used to each other. You start to get pre-defined roles such as who cooks on what night and who is responsible for which chores.

When you move in with someone you start to see why average people do well in marriage- without edges these people are low maintenance. A really beautiful woman who is a princess can have an average man running around at their beck and call whilst a good man doing the same could well be walking on eggshells to try to keep that same woman happy. A good man has to behave like an average man to keep a good woman happy. As the line from the movie 'Ocean's Eleven' says: an average guy make not make you laugh, but at least he does not make you cry.

Nobody is perfect- no relationship even if you hit it off and connect well and love each other is without problems and issues when you move in together. Keep in mind that there is no such thing as NO maintenance (unless, or even, if you are talking about hiring a prostitute or escort). You need to be sensitive to the other person and listen and learn from their feedback and behaviour. And you need to make sure that the good times are there. And you need the relationship to have been built on a foundation of rock rather than sand so that it can withstand the inevitable stresses and strains of sharing everyday life.

I am not sure that there is such a thing as domestic bliss- but this is the ultimate goal. Domestic best is probably the best you can achieve in reality. Remember that if you get through the initial few months living together then you are pretty much free and clear and things get easier from there. Move in or move on, but always try to enjoy☺.
 

Author: Simon Buckingham

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