Lycra is Evil

 

I used to think that Lycra, the stretchy fabric, was a fantastic innovation. I really liked Lycra. It really made women with great figures look even greater. Unfortunately the larger sized women wore it too and this caused sick in the stomach when an unfortunate combination of circumstances conspired for you to be following such a person down the street, not quite knowing where (else) to look.

 

But Lycra now always annoys me. Here we are several years later and Lycra is still everywhere- this is truly a mark of its success- in a fast fashion changing world, it remains the material of choice for a large proportion of the female population of the world.

 

Lycra is just too sexy- it takes the sexy wholesomeness of jeans and gets too close and too revealing. Visible panty lines, cellulite and all else is exposed. You can see why it is practical for children- easy to maintain and inexpensive, it is the adults that annoy me most. It really is not the sort of clothing that adults should be allowed to walk around in during the daytime.

 

I think that the makers of Lycra are disciples of the devil- Lycra is a conspiracy to knock good men sideways and destroy their concentration. How are men supposed to remain monogamous in such a tempting world? I have taken to not wearing my optical support wear (glasses) out to bask in the glory of fuzziness.

 

What happened to the wholesome women that do not flaunt their beauty with as revealing clothes as they can find? Why are women in the western world competing to show off as much as possible of them. I am constantly saying to women 'Excuse me, your button seems to have come undone' as they reveal their (Lycra-enhanced) bras. I am constantly warning girls that there are rips in their skirt hemlines that are revealing quite a lot of leg. These are not tears apparently, but they generate tears in me and leave me torn.

 

Lycra blends, late night usage and loose Lycra (if this is not a contradiction in terms) is fair enough, but not the rest of it.

 

Instead of 'I like Lycra', let decent civilized men rename if 'dislycra'.

 

 

Author: Simon Buckingham

What do you think?

To make a comment to the author, send e-mail to simon@unorgan.com