On small children

For two and a half years, until a year or so ago, I knew a young girl who was four and three-quarters when I first met her, and is now eight. She is the daughter of a friend of mine. Sarah really liked me really quickly because I paid her attention and listened to her whereas a lot of the adults treated her as a bit of a pain that interrupted their conversations. I treated her a little bit grown up and let her play on my laptop computer etc. A routine established itself in which I used to see Sarah about once a week for a couple of hours after school. I used to play board games and read to and play hide and seek with Sarah whilst her mum ironed my clothes. This was precious time for me away from work. I was really busy at the time because I had fewer people to help me, so getting away for some free time was great especially with Sarah, who I adored.

I learned so much from Sarah- as much or more than she learned from me I would guess. I found her to be much more interesting than her mum who was my age and going through all the usual adult things with jobs, relationships, money, property and alike. I knew more than enough about all that. Four and a half is a great age since the child is getting a little more self-confident and is learning to read and write and picking new stuff up every day all the time. Seeing this process over the next couple of years and contributing to it a little was a great joy to me.

One day early after I met her I walked into the living room to find Sarah play acting- she was using a small watering can for house plants as a petrol pump to pretend to re-fuel her car, which in this case was a rolled up duvet cover. Bemused and amused at seeing this suspension of reality, about an hour later I had a go myself and copied Sarah. She promptly told me not to be a silly sausage and that the petrol cap was about two inches to the right of where I was 'filling up' the engine. So this imaginary car had a proper place for everything. I am sure that bringing up a child is filled with many such awe inspiring moments in which parents pause and think that their children must be geniuses, and I had many with Sarah, even though I didn't see her very much for very long. But I learned a lot every time I did.

Children do seem, from observing Sarah at least, to be a little bit inflexible. With Sarah, there was always one best way- usually the way that she was used to from home. For example, she told me that my towels were in the 'wrong' place in my house because they weren't in the same place and style as those at her own.

Of course, the amusing thing with children is how impractical they are. Sarah could never remember what had happened yesterday or where she had been. Because she was taken everywhere by somewhere, she didn't pay much attention to her surroundings or where it was she was going, only what she did when she was there. Its not all that different for adults- I got a lift to football and went to the place a dozen times, but when I had to navigate myself, I wasn't sure exactly where to go. Sense of geography isn't a child's strong point.

Children are very hard to please and yet very easy to please. They will get bored with something really quickly but then spend a long time playing with something quite ordinary. For example, I have some Venetian blinds that were a constant source of enjoyment for Sarah to adjust. Also, whenever she came to my place, she always had to check to see if their was any post in my postbox, sometimes she did this on more than one occasion during the same visit.

Children are so incredibly unselfconscious, especially in their home environment. On one occasion when Sarah had a friend over and I came around I left quite quickly because I couldn't cope with all the giggling and girly behavior. If is bumped into her in the street, I was often lucky to get a hello, she was so shy. But at her place on her own she was a different person- totally relaxed and in her element- again. It is of course a great joy to spend time with some who is totally honest and totally practical and non-judgmental and inquisitive and energetic.

I used to send Sarah postcards from all the places I went to so that she would be interested in the world- she stuck them all in an album. I bought her a lot of presents- she got a toy mobile phone and a number of games from me. I always bought gifts that were gender neutral- such as a pretend supermarket which remained a hit for a long time. My favorite was a game called 'Hoppin, Poppin Space Monsters' which made a lot of noise and couldn't be played when mum had a headache. The only time I ever got bored was when she spent ages grooming her little pony. Now that had absolutely zero interest to a bloke of any age.

Sarah and herself moved away- still locally but not within walking distance. As such I haven't seen Sarah for nearly a year. The last time I saw her, she was about seven and a half, and we went out for a coffee, Sarah, me and her mum. She had grown up a lot in the months since I had seen her- she had a pierced ear and was taller and wouldn't play hide and seek with me because it was too childish. She was growing up which was good and bad.

I miss Sarah most of all for the perspective she gave me. She was the only child in my life and whenever I had an issue at work just seeing Sarah calmed me down and made me see the right thing to do. Children help you see what is important in life and what is not very easily, mostly because they do not judge you according to how much money you have or what job you do. That is nice too.

I miss Sarah a lot but I guess all that I can say is that I was lucky to have spent that precious time with her when I did at such a wonderful age. You spend all you childhood wishing you were older, and all your adulthood wishing you were younger. But you take care of yourself, special Sarah, and thank you for helping me to work out what is important in life, and what is not.



Author: Simon Buckingham

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