In Equilibria

Contents

Contents

Introduction

Definitions

Understanding the Theory   5

A Nine-Level Options Grid

Gap Management

Deliberate Disequilibria

Defining & Achieving Destiny

The Destiny Framework

Life Areas of Equilibria

Personal Well-Being & Relationships

Dating & Finding a Partner

Living Together

Moving On

Work & Career

Employers

Employees

Entrepreneurship

Business in General

Intelligence

Education

Health

Sex

Finance

Religion and Spirituality

Creativity

Family

Home

Sport

Travel

Politics

Economics

Society

Technology

Environment

Finding Your Level of Equilibria

Summary

Introduction

For the last few years I have constantly struggled to get and keep myself in a state of equlibria and analyzed what made me think and do things the way I did in both my business as well as my personal life.  I still make this continual analysis and the result – my ideas for a life philosophy which maximizes personal success - is contained within these pages.

According to the equilibria theory, all of life's events can be categorized as happening within one of three basic states of being: two states, equilibria and disequilibria, which are both temporary; and a third state called fundamental disequilibria which heralds permanent change in the area in question.  When all of life's key areas have reached the balanced state, or can be said to be 'in equilibria', the ultimate and temporary state of destiny is gained.  This theory is applicable to all areas of your life and also to the world around you - from health to work, from love to all other relationships, and even to national politics, global economics and the environment (as far as they affect the individual).

In the following pages I have defined these three states of being and provided some techniques to help you move between them as well as a list of the most important life areas which need to be actively managed for destiny's achievement.  You will see that, although we each have a different destiny to pursue, a number of examples within this list will serve as a comparative guide for your own life experience.  If I have not covered an area, it will most likely be because of a lack of space rather than through any failings of the theory itself.  I have not yet found any areas in life to which the principles and techniques explained in this book do not apply.

In Equilibria is my attempt at providing a 'grand theory' - or rather a systematic framework - into which I would like to fit all things.  I hope you will find it a useful guide for maximizing success in every area of your life and that it will help you visualize, understand and assess every decision and choice that you have to make from now on.  If you are someone who is normally risk averse, it may also provide you with a number of techniques you can use to take the personal risks and lifestyle changes needed to increase your well being and happiness.  It should also encourage you to become more emotionally honest with yourself about certain current situations or relationships.

In particular, I hope that, for all readers, I may havepointed the way to an advanced state of being and a positive philosophy for living your life to its fullest extent.  Whether or not it really is the ultimate 'Truth', I leave for you to explore and discover.

Definitions

I would like to begin with some initial definitions of the key terms used in the following pages.  These definitions will help explain the main points of my theory - the basis of which is that each area of our lives is lived in one of three states.  The first and highest of these states I call 'equilibria', the second 'disequilibria' and the lowest, or third state, is called 'fundamental disequilibria'.

In explaining the attributes of these three states and how they affect the various areas of our lives (relationships, careers, education and family for example), I will discuss how we manage our moves between the different states in each life area.  This is important for achieving a sense of well being across them all.  Such management is also essential for maximizing the returns (as a cost/benefit exercise) derived from taking a risk or making a change in a particular area.

Equilibria, or what we might more simply call 'E', happens when there exists the best temporary alignment of costs and benefits.  The benefits have been maximized to their fullest extent and the costs incurred to achieve such benefits have been minimized as far as possible.

Disequilibria or 'D' occurs when there is a temporary misalignment of costs and benefits and the costs exceed, or are beginning to exceed, the benefits.

Fundamental disequilibria or 'FD' happens when there is a permanent misalignment of costs versus benefits in a given situation or scenario.  Once in a state of fundamental disequilibria, you have passed the point of no return in that area and must move on.  The point of no return is the point at which it costs more and takes more effort to go back to where you began than to continue on to where you are going. Sometimes you just have to write off the costs that you have sunk into a job or relationship or sport or whatever, and take the experience and move on.

Property areas are life's different areas.  These areas of property all go together to make up our everyday living experience - from work to love, to friends to money, to owning a house.  We must furthermore understand that the state of all of this property is important for the overall wealth and richness of our lives.

'Gap management' is a technique for helping us to manage our life areas better in order to achieve a state of equilibria in each.  It allows us to align the costs and benefits associated with a desired action.  Above all, using this technique of gap management helps us close the gap between costs and benefits so that we can reach our own state of equilibria.

Deliberate disequilibria or 'DD' is a strategic move when experiencing the lesser state of disequilibria could in fact be a good thing because it is used as a stringboard to higher levels of equilibria later.  This technique concerns making the calculated acceptance of a state of disequilibria in order to take a step to a new or higher level of equilibria at a later date.  Examples would include breaking up from a dead end relationship or job.  It is a form of calculated risk taking: you consider it worth leaving your present comfort zone or familiar situation because you think you might be able to reach a higher level of equilibria in the future.

Destiny is the overall aim of this whole theory and happens when all of life's key areas are in equilibria and you have reached your full potential.

Understanding the Theory

The theory set out in these pages is infinitely scaleable.  We each have our own unique set of variables in terms of circumstances, situations, opportunities and abilities.  Different people are therefore bound to have different levels of equilibria.  We are not born into equal circumstances and all we can do is the best we can with the hand we have been dealt.  Studying the equilibria philosophy will at least help us to maximize proactively the value of what we currently have and help prevent us being reactive or accepting of present circumstance.

In theory (and in reality depending on your personal risk profile), the resulting benefits from gaining equilibria should significantly exceed the costs and should depend on a very obvious risk/reward ratio.  The costs should also always be 'true' costs - you must be honest with yourself about the risks you have taken to maximize the return.

You will usually feel a sense of disequilibria with either a gradual or a sudden change in feelings or circumstances which puts you at odds with the situation you actually want to be in (which is equilibria).  For example, an argument might have caused stress and hurt, or perhaps your boss hasn't given you an expected pay increase.  The benefits of reaching or returning to the higher state of equilibria have to be worth the costs or efforts expended.

If you have already gone further down and reached fundamental disequilibria, the benefits of gaining or regaining equilibria from such a low starting point will never be worth the associated effort or cost.  Change is essential and a positive move has to be made as soon as circumstances allow - with a new partner, job or even government, depending on which area is under review.

Furthermore it must be remembered that both the equilibria and disequilibria states are always temporary and changeable, whereas fundamental disequilibria is always permanent and requires you to move on if you are going to progress towards your destiny.  Once in this state, you must turn a negative into a positive and stop the feelings of self pity.  If you don't make such a change, you have to recognize your permanent state, be prepared to exist in it and choose to accept and regret the inevitable compromise.

The fact that equilibria is characterized by being both temporary and flexible is of great importance – 'good' (or balanced) things will not necessarily stay in this state and we cannot therefore take them for granted.  As a result, we need to continually invest and reinvest in our relationships and other elements of our lives.  If we don't look after these areas, we might wake up one day and find that our under investment means that we have suddenly gone into fundamental disequilibria with no way back.  Nurture rather than neglect is key.

Life becomes a constant and cyclical quest for equilibria as we all search for stability.  Since equilibria is never stable and is always dynamic, everything tends towards equilibria and disequilibria simultaneously.  The secret is to recognize the inherent presence of disequilibria in all areas and manage our expectations by never taking equilibria for granted.  We must always seek to achieve equilibria while at the same time managing disequilibria as an ally, using it on occasion to help us bring change, improvements and choices into our lives.

Once we have closely examined and accentuated the importance of each of our life or property areas in turn, we can then begin to manage them all systematically and continuously.  In this way we maximize the chances of each area reaching a successful outcome.  For example, we must constantly invest in a marriage or other relationship, and must not neglect a partner's needs; working towards a great marriage should be approached in a similar way to achieving a great career - both take a certain amount of effort and knowledge to make them work well.

According to this theory, success and happiness in life means trying to achieve equilibria in all areas, bringing disequilibria back to equilibria and not allowing the different areas of our lives to languish to such a degree that they degenerate into fundamental disequilibria.  Happiness may be equilibria but fulfilment in life can also be achieved by using deliberate disequilibria to help us reach the ultimate goal of destiny.  We have to be realistic and pragmatic whilst staying optimistic – hoping for the best and planning for the worst.

Ideally any change should be progressive and we should move to a new state or level of equilibria gradually and under our own control.  For example, wherever possible we should prepare for our next job or relationship in advance, always keeping one eye on the present and the other eye to the future.  Making these ongoing assessments may seem a little manipulative, scheming and difficult, especially in personal relationships, and this is why I define each element of life as similar to a piece of concrete property which needs to be managed just like any other.  In this way we can be sure of choices in everything we do. Love is indeed blind so making informed choices in such a state may not help make a rational analysis. However you can help who you fall in love with- even love at first sight takes a few seconds!

A Nine-Level Options Grid

Understanding and knowing when to take advantage of our choices and opportunities is hard.  As a further guide, I have divided the three main states of equilibria, disequilibria and fundamental disequilibria into three additional lower levels to create shallow, mid and deep sub-states.  Every level of the first two states is temporary but each of the three sub-states of FD indicate that permanent change is needed.  These may indeed have differing degrees of permanence but the only way out of any of them is to be emotionally honest, stop delaying the inevitable and take action to effect a change.  The nine levels of the three theoretical states can best be visualized as an options grid as laid out in Fig. 1 below:

				increasing benefits 
	Life	S	M	D	Destiny
	E	shallow equilibria	mid equilibria	deep equilibria	E	 decreasing costs
	D	deep disequilibria	mid disequilibria	shallow disequilibria	D
increasing costs 	FD	deep fundamental disequilibria	mid fundamental disequilibria	shallow fundamental disequilibria	FD
	Death	D	M	S	Birth
		 decreasing benefits

Fig 1: An options grid showing the nine levels or sub-states of the states of being: equilibria and disequilibria are temporary and changeable; all levels of fundamental disequilibria (the shaded areas) are permanent experiences

This is a necessarily complex model for the complex world that we live in and we can only really understand this complexity if we have the help of such an initial grid on which to place life's areas so that we can better visualize our choices.  If we cannot categorize things, we cannot understand them and if we cannot understand them, we cannot fix what has gone wrong.  Ignorance is not bliss and we must remove the limitations we set ourselves and allow ourselves to dream of a better life.  And we can only turn dreams into reality if we have such a life-support framework for achieving our destiny.

By way of an example, the sample stages of a personal relationship might be fitted onto this options grid as in Fig. 2 below:

				increasing benefits 
	Life	S	M	D	Destiny
	E	Casual relationship and sex	Intimate sex	Unconditional and reciprocated love	E	 decreasing costs
	D	Disrespectful relationship & cheating	Dating	Living together	D
increasing costs 	FD	Forced sex & behaviour	Conversion to opposite gender relationships	Unequal commitment in relationship	FD
	Death	D	M	S	Birth
		 decreasing benefits

Fig. 2: Example options grid for the life cycle of a personal relationship

Gap Management

The technique of gap management allows us to move more progressively between these nine options levels.  The systematic use of such a technique increases benefits and at the same time reduces costs – essential for providing the means of getting from disequilibria to equilibria – or from lower to higher sub states.  If we are emotionally honest with ourselves, we will recognize that the gap between fundamental disequilibria and equilibria is always too great and the costs of achieving equilibria from such a low starting point always too much for any resulting benefits.  The gap has become a chasm.

Before you get to this stage, if you actually think carefully about what has created your current stressful state (or the disequilibria)in a particular area, it is usually possible to identify the cause and then find a solution which will enable you to achieve a state of equilibria.  For example, yoga's progressive relaxation techniques allow you to relax different parts of the body until you get to the stage where you can actually feel a tightness or tension in a certain area.  Once it has been identified, you can then focus on relaxing just this one part of the body.  In the same way, when an argument happens, you can usually identify the cause and get back to equilibria quite easily by using gap management techniques (apologizing or discussing an issue) which reduce the costs (stress, worry, sleeplessness) and increase the benefits (happiness and harmony).

If we make an effort, or use gap management, we are moving some way towards increasing the benefits for the same amount of costs.  If we compromise on an issue, we reduce the costs but see no corresponding increase in benefits.  A compromise is in effect a tactical retreat as we try to prevent further costs arising in a certain situation and have no way of achieving the right amount of benefits we need to feel good or in equilibria.  Gap management is actually a technical name for a simple theory - the answer lies within us, if only we had the wisdom and courage to listen to our hearts and bodies and took notice of their warning signs and other feedback.

Some examples of how gaps might be managed and closed in different situations are shown by the table in Fig. 3 below:

FD	D	Gap management	E
Death	Tired	Sleep	Awake
Rags	Dirty	Wash	Clean
Murder	Rage	Yoga	Calm
Famine	Hungry	Cook	Full
Frozen	Cold	Heating	Warm
Rape	Aroused	Orgasm	Flaccid
Miscarriage	Pregnant	Birth	Baby
Migraine	Headache	Paracetamol	Clear head
Death	Illness	Medicine	Wellness

Fig 3: Examples of life events showing how the gaps between them might be managed 

and closed

Deliberate Disequilibria

Life's routines are comforting and therefore hard to break.  They are merely the completion and repetition of another day, week, month and year. Job and relationship stability may be comforting but time flies during the conventional path of education, job, marriage, children, work, holiday, and more work.  Breaking out of this cycle and taking control of your life before an inevitable death is very hard to do but sometimes it is something you must do.  Society and family conventions may force us down a path that we don't want to take but unconventional people should not have to do conventional things.  Understanding that you can use deliberate disequilibria to break the cycle of routine is important.  You can wait for 'routine inertia' to break down into fundamental disequilibria or you can recognize that something isn't working for the long term and take deliberate action to make a change.

Achieving your destiny is a process made up of many steps. You reach equilibria; you know that it is a temporary state; you go into disequilibria and then into a state of permanent fundamental disequilibria.  It hurts to change this state but the pain eventually goes away as you put it behind you and move on.  You can't fight the process; if you can't sleep or be happy for a while, then so be it.  You need to accept that whatever it was, it wasn't right and you must now move to a higher level.

Internal dissatisfaction on the way up to the next level is not only inevitable, it is desirable.  We grow and consolidate our learning, then move on steadily and grow again.  Growth won't happen without these steps and changes.  Think of success as the journey towards the destination rather than as the destination itself.  You need to take stock occasionally and learn from what has happened but you also have to get tired of looking back so that you can move forwards.  Such a strategic calculated risk might hurt and you might be stretching yourself when you go into deliberate disequilibria but at least you will feel a life force and fire in your belly and know that you are alive.

Defining & Achieving Destiny

Destiny is the achievement of multiple simultaneous states of deep equilibria in all the different key areas of life.  Destiny is reached when we have fulfilled our potential as an individual and have not wasted the talents we were born with.  We will have improved ourselves as much as we can, have learnt as much as we can and have gained as much as we can in both monetary and non-monetary contexts.  Destiny within the equilibria theory is partly spiritual (the implication being that we exist for some purpose or to achieve something) and partly practical: how can we achieve our full potential given our own constraints and those of our environment?

We achieve destiny when our past, present and future collide in such a way that everything you knew, know and need come together at once.  Destiny is some of your past, all of your present and some of your future occurring simultaneously.  When destiny commands, we must obey. Itis the feeling that there is a force around you which has a hand on your back and not around your throat.  It is also the feeling of a perfect recognition of all lessons learned, a freedom from pain and guilt, and a complete understanding of the moment.  Destiny means perfect happiness and to have no regrets at that time or in that situation.

The Destiny Framework

We reach destiny when the building blocks of life's property areas, as shown in the 'destiny framework' in Fig. 4 below, all come together to achieve an optimum outcome:

Destiny



Personal Well-being & Relationships              Career & Work

Intelligence        Education          Health           Finance

Religion & Spirituality   Creativity   Family     Home      Sport      Travel

Politics             Economics          Society        Technology     Environment

Fig. 4:  The destiny framework showing life's key property areas or building blocks, each of which needs to be proactively managed towards a state of deep equilibria

The ability to reach destiny depends upon the understanding and management of these areas laid out across the four levels of this pyramid structure.

Certain factors at the lowest level of the framework -  'Politics', 'Economics', 'Society', 'Technology', and the 'Environment' - are external factors beyond the control of the individual.  We are all born into a set of circumstances over which we have no control.  We might live in a democratic, rich, family-oriented and high-tech country, or we might be born into a dictatorial, poor, famished and war-torn country.  If these factors are positive or negative, they will of course have a huge influence on our lives and ultimately our destiny.  If we are hungry, all our efforts and attention are given over to securing food.  If we live in a war-torn place, our life expectancy could be affected.  If a dictator is controlling a country's wealth for his own benefit, giving all the good jobs to his friends and diverting wealth to himself and his inner circle, we are unlikely to prosper if we were not born into or are unable to break into that circle or end that regime.

These external factors can be overcome, and they are not the sole determinant of future success.  For example, children are not generally aware of how rich or poor they are.  People can actually thrive during a war as it provides opportunities to show courage and decisiveness; and wars have created many heroes.  Similarly, the use of technology is a means to an end rather than an end in itself; having access to the Internet is important but not essential when you are starting out.  Intelligence, on the other hand, is not something that money can buy; there is no plastic surgery available for the brain.

A war is an event that happens at the deep level of disequilibria and it may have been started for many reasons.  It may have been the result of a coup, it may have been based on false premises or information, or it may have been morally justified in order to remove a dictator or to provide long-term stability for local people or the wider world.  It is too simplistic to be an anti-war protestor or simply a pacifist - we must recognize that there are times when diplomacy will not be enough and that you can't rationalize with the irrational.

Intrinsic factors such as health and family are likely to be much more important in determining a child's future than extrinsic factors such as politics and technology.  The love and support of a family and all that goes with it (attention and nurturing rather than neglect) are essential for giving a child a suitable basis for its future success.  These factors are shown in the next level of the destiny framework: 'Religion & Spirituality', 'Creativity', 'Family', 'Home', 'Education', 'Sport' and 'Travel'.

Being part of a family is an essential ingredient and a key factor that determines and influences destiny.  The values and observations of family members are a critical component of our upbringing.  But it is again possible to transcend family expectations and many people end up following their own paths even when they deviate from the wishes of parents or the examples set by siblings.

Growing up in a stable and secure environment is important and so is getting your own home and living apart from the parents who have so influenced your childhood.  This emotionally separates you from them and makes you ready for full engagement in a personal relationship with someone outside the family.

Playing sport at an early age is a useful building block on this level which can help with the eventual achievement of destiny.  Sport promotes physical development and contributes to fitness.  It also helps the development of a winning attitude and an understanding of teamwork.  Although sport (like creativity, travel and religion or spirituality, all of which are to be found on the same level) is useful, it is not a necessary prerequisite for success.

As we continue our discussion of the destiny framework, at a more important and higher level, we will see that the key factors which enable future relationship and employment success concern finding equilibria in the areas of 'Intelligence', 'Education', 'Health' and 'Finance'.

Developing and using your intelligence is a critical component of success.  This goes beyond formal education and involves the observance of things that happen in the real world.  You begin to understand how everything works, learning from experiences and the people you meet.  You also understand how to keep your own council.  Having developed this personal intellectual side you now have 'character' and a certain empathy with the world around you; you can then apply this learning and use it to achieve success in life.

Education is important since it forms the foundation for much of what will follow in life.  Having a good teacher as a child can make all the difference between success and failure as an adult.  However, it is possible for charismatic people to transcend a poor education and achieve a better life in a way that they could not if they suffered from continual poor health.

Feeling tired or unwell, as everyone who has ever been ill or very tired knows, affects our ability to accomplish and enjoy just about everything.  Fortunately, ill health tends to be an infrequent occurrence for most people, although tiredness is much more prevalent as a by-product of hectic lives.

In terms of your financial property, money may only be a means to an end, but it does enable many possibilities for moving towards and even achieving destiny by providing some often necessary breathing spaces. “Being rich may not make you happy, but it does take the sting out of being poor.”

The highest level of the destiny framework and the highest level of happiness for many people will be to achieve the greatest success in both their personal well-being and relationships and also their work or career areas.  They might be head of their own company, married with three children, or they might be a customer service supervisor with lots of friends and a steady partner.

In this way we must realize that everyone has different levels of equilibria which depend entirely upon personal characteristics and capabilities.   But we must also understand that all of the life-area levels in this framework contribute to the eventual achievement of all kinds of destiny - if one area is underdeveloped or absent this will be a key hindrance to achieving a fully successful balanced life – and more so if it is higher up in the framework hierarchy.  Having little or no education can be a hindrance, ill health and a lack of intellectual development will also hold you back since you will be more likely to follow family expectations and society's conventions unquestioningly.

On the other hand, having success in both work and personal areas – including having children - is neither a panacea nor a paradise.   The repetition of these things can be a burden as well as a blessing, and such is life.  Over time circumstances and expectations change, as does our environment and the people around us.  Because states of equilibria are temporary and because destiny is simply made up of multiple states of equilibria, destiny is also itself inherently unstable.  Nevertheless, the personal satisfaction derived from striving for and achieving destiny makes it well worth the trouble.

Having career success and being respected for doing well in your company, industry or profession is a wonderful thing.  As an entrepreneur there is no greater pleasure than running your own company and motivating a group of employees that you trust and respect.  It's even better when this goes together with having a good salary and holidays so that you can afford a relatively stress-free lifestyle to match.  Being in love and finding a person who completes you and with whom you have a perfect mental and physical symmetry with, as everyone who has ever experienced it knows, is one of the greatest feelings.

When both personal relationships and employment areas are running at their maximum levels, there is both emotional happiness and a sense of achievement.  Home, family and career goals have been reached.  Personal equilibria has been achieved when we know our own strengths and weaknesses.  We have accepted them and have maximized the strengths and minimized the weaknesses to make the most of who we are and what we can achieve.

Achieving destiny is a personal thing which is entirely dependent upon and up to you.  Different people want and can achieve different careers and different types of relationships.  There will be no single best way or even best time for you to achieve your greatest potential, fulfilment and happiness – but you have to start the journey.   To help you on your way, I will now consider each of the life or property areas that make up the destiny framework in more detail.

Life Areas of Equilibria

Personal Well-Being & Relationships

A personal state of equilibria has been reached once we have maximized our personal potential: we have improved ourselves as much as we can and at the same time have preserved and accentuated what makes each of us unique.  We have achieved a sense of well-being in our own minds and our own personal relationships with family and friends, strangers and acquaintances.

A sense of personal equilibria can happen when we are working hard and (if we want to) playing hard and are happy and content in the environment and circumstances in which we are living.  On the other hand, although you might be working well and enjoying the buzz of business activity, going out every night to eat and drink in good company, if you are stressed from work or enjoying the social outings on only a superficial level, you have not achieved personal equilibria.  Certain characteristics like arrogance, anger, impatience or foul language will indicate its lack.  You might also start to fall out with friends or colleagues for example, or seek to change your appearance to feel better about yourself and to give yourself more confidence.

It is possible that such current dissatisfaction could just be a temporary state in the move to a new higher level of equilibria.  For example, you might feel all the above things after splitting up from a close personal relationship, but if the relationship was not going anywhere in the long term, staying at this lower level of equilibria would not be beneficial for moving on further towards the highest level of deep equilibria.

Personal disequilibria happens when you are not moving towards realising your potential. You won't yet have achieved this on the more lasting basis of deep equilibria and therefore cannot give up seeking your destiny.

Personal fundamental disequilibria arises when you suffer from depression, frustration and anger.  In extreme cases these feelings may get out of control, causing a danger to society in the form of a rapist, a murderer or a terrorist.  These people suffer from serious individual imperfections which they have been unable to suppress.

Dating & Finding a Partner

Personal relationships, especially those that affect our love lives, are one of the most important things for equilibria.  The key thing to find out is the kind of personal relationship you want.

Dating is an event in which you are in disequilibria from the start as you try not to scare the other person away with what you say or do or how you look.  There is a script for dates just as there is for talking to the financial markets when you're in business - you need to say and do the right things otherwise you are going to get into trouble.  You don't want to offend or pressure your date.  You need to listen and not say too much or ask for too much too soon.

The purpose of early dates may be to get to know each other and have an enjoyable outing or simply to see if you feel some physical attraction or mental connection.  The world is full of beautiful people but you eventually tire of desiring the unattainable people you see on the streets. Playing games when you are dating is a typical strategic use of disequilibria to appear less available and make yourself more attractive.  The game player probably wants to have clarity over the relationship, but also knows that reticence and hesitation may work in their favour as they establish and explore the situation.

At different stages in your life you may be either looking for someone you can have some fun with or for something more serious.  Most people have a preferred 'type' of person that attracts them.  It is important to keep this in mind because it helps you decide whether it is worth continuing with a relationship.  It takes so long to get over a failed relationship that you need to make sure that each one is meaningful.  If not, the enjoyment during it won't be worth the pain afterwards.  Others may influence decision making but ultimately a relationship is only between the people directly involved.  Choose your own partner and keep your own council.  Think with your head too, and not just with your heart and body.

There is often a need to get dating out of your system in order to have a long-term successful relationship – or perhaps to choose never to have any more relationships.  Different people have different needs and wishes.  Families, peers, the media and society all pressure people into having a special person but that is not always the best solution for everyone or at every time in their lives.  There is no single right way to approach this area, although finding 'the one' is a theme that dominates film and television. Life is long and having that someone special to share it with is something that would be a welcome boost for many single people. The right person at the wrong time is the wrong person, but fear not, there is no “one” person that is right for you- there will probably be several people that you meet during your life who you connect with mentally and physically and could happily share your life with.

Success in personal relationship involves many factors.  It means finding a partner who has similar interests, intellectual levels, emotional levels, compatible looks, sexual attraction and goals in life.  Finding all these things in one person isn't easy - no-one is perfect and some form of compromise will probably be needed.

Knowing when to settle down and when to shuffle relationships is a very difficult process, especially given the emotional factors involved.  Making a rational decision becomes a complicated issue.  You may have decided on a course of action while away from your partner, but on seeing them again you lose all rational thought.  Love is blind, and unfortunately you often won't have seen things for what they were until the relationship has finished.  'Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence' as they say. Your heart and your head may be saying two different things entirely.

This systematic discussion of relationships is useful as we set out a framework for partner selection, relationship maintenance, or change where necessary. The techniques might prove useful because so many people end up in an unhappy relationship with an incompatible partner.

Couples in a happy relationship often have a similar level of looks.  From the way they lean over and talk to each other or confidently stroll down the street with their heads held high, they also seem to get on well mentally.  Young lovers walking the streets first thing in the morning after torrid times the night before seem to be locked in their own world with their bodies and eyes locked onto one another. Longstanding, especially older, couples blend together almost as if they were one.  They are on the same telepathic level and hardly need to communicate verbally because years of routine have made them instinctively know what each of them will do and say.

Obviously physical attraction is an important ingredient.  Personal chemistry is the physics of personal relationships; the X-Factor of sexual attraction has to be in place for an intimate relationship to work well.  You can have shared history, goals, personalities and other factors, but if the secret sauce of mutual attraction is not there, a successful relationship is highly unlikely.  Conversely, although physical attraction is often the first thing that you feel, it can also be the first thing to disappear and should not be the basis for partner selection alone.  However, having a strong physical attraction and similar sex drive is important in healing the relationship and getting back to a state of equilibria in this area after arguments and other problems.

Shared interests are another component in the relationship mix. If two people enjoy shared interests this helps to fill in some of the long hours spent together that is part of being in a close personal relationship.  One of the most enjoyable common interests can be the conversation that comes from a shared intellectual level - it is perfectly possible to have an entirely enjoyable relationship based on talking and touching while never leaving your sofa.

Clearly it is necessary for the two people in a relationship to have a shared vision and ideals as to what they want their personal relationship together to be.  Common values, such as where to live, whether or not to have children and how to bring them up, need to be discussed.  If there is no shared vision of the future there is likely to be disequilibria, compromise or fundamental disequilibria – leading to separation and divorce.

As long as both partners have these mutually understood and achievable goals then the relationship can operate in a state of equilibria.  Some relationships may be a simple matter of having some convenient fun and sex, others may be platonic or primarily for mutual emotional support. It does not really matter what the common goals are as long as the people involved both feel that they are getting significantly more from the relationship than they would have without it.

As soon as relationship objectives diverge and someone wants to take the relationship to a different level but the other person does not, disequilibria is present.  Either the laggard can step up to the leader's level, or the leader can settle back and accept the level of the laggard.  If not, a split will occur.

Unfortunately there is a biological clock at work too.  Women look for suitable fathers for their children before they get too old and older men look for younger female partners because of the likelihood and safety of conception.  This is an unavoidable health factor that complicates relationships later in life, so too does the likelihood of emotional or physical baggage from past relationships.  It may be that a potential partner has been emotionally scared and is unwilling to be hurt again, or perhaps has children in tow.

Physical chemistry might be present or absent and it can be surprising to others whom you end up with, although only you know when a strong connection has been made.  Another important factor for success is intellectual compatibility.  Finding the right physical attraction can be relatively easy, but sharing the same intellectual aspirations and interests is harder. Both partners in a relationship do not need to be on the same intellectual levels for the relationship to be successful. Sometimes less intelligent people are interested by more intellectual partners, and more intelligent partners like the fact that they can relax in the presence of their partner.

It is easier to get into a relationship than to get out of one.Insecure 'average' people will often think that a partnership with someone stronger or more capable is the most important thing in their lives.  If the capable or 'good' person is also insecure and the 'loser' clings then this might explain why successful women fall regularly for average men.  An average man may not make you laugh, but at least he does not make you cry.  This kind of sub-conscious decision making may lead to temporary equilibria but as the good person aspires to and achieves greater success, they will get to a point where they become frustrated with their average partner's lack of ambition, action or achievement.The best thing to do is to not even waste your time and energy trying to change someone.  You can only change yourself and each of us must get on with achieving our own destiny.

There is also pressure from family and society to get into a relationship or to achieve something like a marriage.  The longer a relationship goes on, the greater the general expectation that something permanent is being forged.  Mutual friends and family ties complicate the issue, along with other family pressure, when grandparents and parents are keen to see grandchildren appearing on the scene.

Another factor in personal relationship success is undoubtedly emotional compatibility.  You can find someone with whom you have physical and intellectual compatibility, but if they are emotionally unstable, it can be almost impossible to have a satisfying personal relationship with them.  If one partner is unwilling to compromise, prone to hysterics, impossible to rationalize with or highly temperamental, it will be hard for both partners to maintain a balanced level of equilibria in the relationship.

One of the best things about personal relationships is that patterns get established bringing a level of familiarity and certain expectations that create stability.  There should be no need for major arguments.  Repeated clashes cause a weakening in a relationship until making up or arguing are just too much effort and the relationship goes into fundamental disequilibria. Relationships should provide a base level of certainly and stability and you should be able to rely on the other person.

In general within society there is a shared understanding of social values.  People grow up in certain cultures and have common aspirations for their own families.  They generally want relationship success as a key life stabilizer and creator of happiness and equilibria.  These factors help to make beginning a relationship a less stressful business.  This is why so many average people find it easy to find a partner, get married and have children.  These are the aspirations and examples set by their parents.  On the other hand, more ambitious career-minded people may worry too much or may be too busy to do anything about their personal relationships - leading to higher levels of late marriage and single life.

Living Together

When you decide to move in with your partner and share the same living space you are generally in an equilibria state.  There has to be trust, respect and friendship if the situation involves a lover, or, if housemates, there has to be a strong suspicion that it will work out if you don't know them very well.  You should also have a positive feeling about the place you are going to live in - its location, decoration and your own space within it.  If all feels right, moving in is something positive, but choose your living arrangements wisely.  Our own inherent laziness and 'busyness' with life means that we can often fool ourselves into thinking and believing that equilibria is present in our living circumstances when it is not really there. This is emotional dishonesty and a denial of a state of disequilibria that eventually becomes fundamental disequilibria.

Even if you knew the person well before you moved in with them, there will almost inevitably be surprises as you get to see them in all situations and moods from first thing in the morning to last thing at night.  Dating or general socializing involves limited controllable concentrations of equilibria as you spend set units of time together; you don't see each other when you are in your own personal disequilibria states of being tired, moody or angry.  Seeing each other as friends or lovers at planned times will often give a sugar-coated version of reality.  It is far easier to make an effort and far more enjoyable to catch up with someone on these terms, and the resulting achievement of equilibria is much easier.  If you don't feel like meeting, you can always cancel.  If you live together, it is very difficult to avoid situations in which disequilibria arises when you have to interact with the other people you live with.  However you do it, you must be able to live with others and be yourself, behaving as you want to; it would be too uncomfortable otherwise. Spending trial periods on holiday or sharing the same space as each other before you move in can reduce the surprises that arise from cohabitation.

When you actually move in together, you inevitably go into disequilibria immediately as you go through a phase of adjustment. People have different upbringings, habits, preferences and expectations which need to be explored and adjusted as each person in the situation seeks their own state of equilibria.  Face to face communication is essential for achieving equilibria in living circumstances just as it is in any relationship.   This relationship also needs to be based on a firm foundation.

After a few weeks or months you realize that the constant highs of dating or seeing each other as friends were artificial, unsustainable and unnatural.  Because someone was happy yesterday and in equilibria does not mean that they will be the same way today - they could easily be in varying degrees of disequilibria.

The value of conversation soon becomes apparent but so too does the importance of companionship as a major advantage of living with someone.  You are not just sharing a space; you are sharing each other's lives.  As everyone who has been married for even a short period must know, the comfort, routine and stability which comes from having someone else to support you and spend time with is a tremendous pleasure in life.  Companionship is an equilibria stabiliser.  You get used to having someone else around to share your daily life with and their presence and participation in your own life can become something that you cherish.

Living on your own is pleasurable in a different way.  You have another kind of stability and more time to yourself, setting your own schedule and spending less energy accommodating others' needs. Although for some people this could actually bring about deep equilibria (especially if you are a true hermit), it might perhaps mean fewer laughs.  In particular, we all enjoy and need our own time alone, so even when living together we must respect another's privacy and personal space.

Marriage is when two people make a private and public statement that they love one another sufficiently to commit to each other and their relationship. Many marriages break down because people and circumstances change over time and it is difficult to remain committed to one person as life changes around you. To minimise the risks of marriage breakdown it is necessary to be courageous and honest about the other person you are planning to marry and what you want and expect from the relationship. It is also necessary to invest a lot in maintaining the relationship, not taking it for granted and being willing to compromise when necessary or desirable. You also need to know that person really well so that very little actually changes in your lifestyle or relationship after the marriage compared to before it.

Moving On

I've got everything and I've got nothing.

I'm as happy now as I've ever been, I'm as sad now as I have ever been.

I want town, and you want country.

I want children, and you want career.

I want reasons, you give excuses.

We both want fun, but what is fun and where has she gone?

I make arrangements, you send your apologies.

I make an effort, you take a liberty.

I give and you take, and it's no longer fair.

I can no longer suppress the little loud voices in my head.  You can.

I never knew what I wasn't missing.  And now I do.  You.

Splitting up is relationship disequilibria and those involved must have an incentive to get back to equilibria.  Each person has to be willing to put in the effort needed to re-establish living harmony.  If you can't be bothered to try or don't feel that it is worth it, you are now in fundamental disequilibria and need to move out.

During the lifetime of a relationship, everyone must pull their weight.  The only exception is probably in a family situation where unconditional love is often available no matter how much or how little effort is made.  Domestic responsibilities should be shared when living together outside of the parental home, unless both parties agree not to do this.  It's a team game and everyone needs to play his or her part to make an effort and keep others happy; you must also not take anyone for granted.

When there is not enough give and take, the relationship goes into disequilibria.  The person not pulling their weight needs to make a special effort to bring the relationship back to equilibria.  They have to increase the benefits for the others they live with in order to remove any feelings of being used or taken for granted.

Many relationships go through cycles of ups and downs, especially in the early days. Break-up threats can lead to much drama but also to much fun being had in getting back together.  But over time, the energy needed to sustain the relationship gets harder to find - there is too much pressure and not enough reward. Things either need to settle down to a mutually acceptable and understood level that everyone is happy with, or they have to change.

You might consider splitting up several times before actually doing it as you change your mind at the last moment and don't have the courage to go through with it.  You convince yourself that the benefits are worth the higher costs when compared with not having those benefits at all. You don't want to lose the companionship that has been so enjoyable.  If a split is to come, the costs will only have kept mounting and the benefits only falling as you reached the state of fundamental disequilibria – although now you have no choice but to move on.

Splitting up will relieve the pressure and bring clarity to a situation.  You will almost certainly be in disequilibria for a while but at least you have a pathway called Time which will take you back to equilibria.  (Remember you were in disequilibria anyway during the final stages of the relationship).  You will probably be less happy - you will be in disequilibria as you seek to move to a higher level of equilibria in your next relationship by taking what you have learned from this relationship and moving on. You have to make these structural changes to this property area in order to reach a higher equilibria and find the right road to your destiny.  Such changes are often difficult but always necessary to ensure that you are on Winner's Way and not Loser's Lane; you must not allow yourself to be dragged down or be held back by an unsatisfactory relationship.

When you get to fundamental disequilibria, the urge is to end the relationship quickly because you have finally made the decision and want to implement it and start the process of healing back to equilibria.  But you need to consider the other person's feelings; they might be a friend in the future and, if a lover, you might even get back together with them, who knows.  It is essential to resist the urge just to finish it; you must also consider the wishes of others involved.

If you handle the split badly there will be little chance of a future relationship because the residual memory of the hurt and pain will be too great.  It is better to take the time to see them and explain the situation as you see it honestly and face to face rather than by text or phone. Speaking in person enables you to get the other side of the story which might help to clarify your thoughts.

Generally speaking, where there has been a lot of pain that has healed it is unlikely that you can go back; just remembering the situation might be enough to induce disequilibria tremors.  This again is exactly why you need to handle the break up as well as possible. It is necessary to acknowledge that it is highly unlikely that you can go back to the previous equilibria after a split up unless there was a key issue that has changed in the meantime.  An example would be a married person having an affair, splitting up from their spouse and returning to their lover on completely different terms.  But this is highly unlikely since you either grow together or you grow apart, and once you start going in different directions, it doesn't take long for two people to be in totally different circumstances in their now separate lives.  People who lived together and ate together daily can suddenly find it very difficult to even set a date for a coffee. And when they do meet up, they may not have much in common as life paths diverge.

After a relationship break up it is impossible not to feel some sense of loss and regret. The relationship that you invested time in and the person that you got to know are no longer a part of your life.  You miss that person and they have left a gap in your life.  You think about your former partner and imagine what they are doing; you construct conversations with them in your head and go over past events.  You may feel some anger but mostly you feel pain at the loss.  When a relationship ends, there is a period of adjustment to the new post-relationship circumstance.  You miss them and the time they spent with you.  You have to get used to your new circumstance, which may be a more steady state but without the range of feelings and emotions that are generated while you were in the relationship.

To get over the breakdown of your relationship, you will need to give yourself time to mourn- you can delay the pain but you will have to come to terms with the changes if you are to get over them. You do need to look back- and within- to learn the lessons of that particular relationship.

Getting back together with someone with whom you have had a relationship is usually a consideration to a greater or lesser degree. Before finally breaking up there are likely to have been some splits and reconciliations which have already established a pattern of behaviour.  It is hard once a decisive break has been made to get back into that person's now separate existence.  Clearly there was an investment in that relationship and some good reasons why it took place, and it is easy to get back together with someone with whom you have a common past and understanding rather than starting again from scratch with someone else.  Some people have continued occasional sexual relations with former partners for convenience and enjoyment. New relationships take up a lot of energy.  They can be positive in many cases because there is no negative history but they also take time and effort for what might be an uncertain outcome.  Finding someone that connects with you on every level, especially physically and mentally, is hard enough, so having found that special someone there is a natural tendency to want to ensure that that what is over really is over. Beware that memory tends to remember the good times rather than the bad.

There is also the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' factor.  You did not know what you were missing until it was no longer part of your life.  If both parties miss each other and feel that there is enough common ground to warrant a reconciliation they should work out a way to get back into each other's lives again.  They should re-establish a level of equilibria that should ideally match or exceed the level of equilibria that they had previously.  Both parties need to feel the same way and be willing to act on those feelings for the reconciliation to occur, just as they needed to do so for the relationship to happen in the first place.

On the other hand, some break ups are irreconcilable – one partner was hurt too much in the break up, perhaps through domestic violence, infidelity or just real hurt and pain.  In other cases, some people might find another partner almost immediately or might have had a new partner lined up when the split happened.  The decision to get back together again has to be made on a case by case basis and only by the people involved themselves.

Even months or years after breaking up with someone, you may still think about that person every day although you rarely, if ever, see them.  It is natural to continue to think about them in this way even if in your head you know that that particular personal relationship would not have worked.  Additionally our hurt pride means that a part of us wants to prove the other person 'wrong' and show them what they are missing when we next see them.

Work & Career

The opposite areas to our personal well-being and relationship areas, or our 'non-work' life, are our work and career areas.  These can be divided into experiences of working in a company or setting up on your own in business and becoming an entrepreneur.  Let's begin with exploring the areas of encompassed by employers and employees.

Employers

An employer wants to create a winning team made up of people whom they like and respect, a team well able to deliver results beyond its potential.  The employer also wants the people in this team to be loyal, dedicated and accomplished.  The employer wants to be respected and recognized as the most important person in the company by the company team.   The employer wants to be seen to be in charge, enjoying being the boss and holding the attention of staff.  As well as loyalty and competence, employers also want to see people with different skills working together to achieve business success.

Employers also want to give and receive as well as take; they want to pay an employee and receive back great work in return.  Looking after employees and their families and recognizing their contribution to the company is something that gives an employer great satisfaction.  Being an employer is a great privilege and responsibility – employees are reliant upon your efforts and the company's success to get paid and also to achieve their own career success and employee equilibria.  An employer may also look to share the wealth that a company is generating beyond a salary by looking at compensation vehicles such as bonuses and stock options in order to recognize the contributions of employees more fully.

Employers generally know that there is always going to be some form of disequilibria in the company.  New employees usually have to be hired and there are always some under-performing staff members or others who are not loyal enough or unable to grow personally as the company grows.  This is the nature of employment; different people have different skills or attitudes and make different contributions during their employment at different stages of the company's development.  Employer disequilibria can also arise when the employer can't pay their employees.

Employer fundamental disequilibria happens for example when an employer must sack staff because the employees have underperformed.

Employees 

On the other side of the work story, employee equilibria means that someone working for someone else has achieved their maximum career potential given their current competence levels.  Employees can learn, perform, be challenged and recognized and rewarded for their achievements.  To achieve equilibria as an employee, we need to find and get a job in a company that suits, appreciates and rewards our skills and other talents.

For an employee to be in equilibria, the job should not just be a way to make money.  A job should also not just be a way to build a good CV.  We are not our resume - life is what is going on now while we dream of a better future.  There is an unfortunate modern career obsession in which people are always restless about their careers and worrying about how unhappy they are in their current job.  This leads people to put too much emphasis on the career side of their life resulting in a poor work/life balance.

A good boss is essential to employee satisfaction – and they must be a boss who is willing to empower, delegate, teach and train.  Like-minded colleagues of a similar ability also help create an enjoyable working environment.

An employee cannot be in equilibria if they are working in a job, company or profession where they are unhappy, unproductive or unappreciated.  People often find themselves in the wrong industry, the wrong job or working for a firm or a boss that they do not like.  If this is the case, there is no way that they can achieve their full potential as an employee of that company unless they are taking a calculated gamble that some form of disequilibria now will lead to a state of equilibria later.  They might be increasing their future career prospects by getting further experience in a certain sector or they might be ensuring they have the name of a well respected company on their CV.

Employees want a work environment that enables them to do their best work and be recognised for doing that work.  Employees should also ideally have a choice between working from home and working at an office.  A comfortable working environment with a suitable climate and right amount of space to work in is preferred by most people.

We spend a lot of time working so it is worth having the right job.  Job stability also paves the way for investments in other areas like house ownership.  Once again we see here how relationship stability, family support, job stability and home stability combine in equilibria to enable a person to achieve their destiny.

Employee disequilibria arises when employee contributions are not recognised by an employer, or when the person's line manager is intent on holding the employee back in their job for reasons of office politics or a lack of confidence in their own ability or when the employee has simply learned all they can at that particular place of work. Employees experiencing disequilibria need to find other ways to learn and use their skills and be challenged since it is either likely to be going nowhere fast or they may just be treading water - no longer learning anything new and finding their work content or colleagues dull.

Employee fundamental disequilibria arises when an employee can no longer stand to go to their workplace due to pressure being exerted on the employee by the work itself or the work environment. A job change in such circumstances is inevitable and preferable.

Entrepreneurship

Good people who are risk adverse may be at a lower level of equilibria working for someone else, but in many cases they are not necessarily maximizing their potential.  Not everyone can start their own business; they may be talkers rather than doers.  Not everyone can be an entrepreneur, many people do not want to take the risks and are content with being employees, the public sector has 'enforcers' like tax inspectors and parking wardens. They may have found their own level and be doing as well as they can from a career and earnings standpoint in their current job.  People may calculate that the returns from setting up do not outweigh the initial stress and hard work before they re-establish a higher level of equilibria because of family or other lifestyle commitments.  They are more interested in employee equilibria than entrepreneur equilibria.

Entrepreneurs are people who tend not to respond well to authority or management.  Being an entrepreneur can often have monetary rewards but most entrepreneurs derive most benefit and satisfaction from being able to steer their own ship and set their own schedule.  Being the boss and being able to delegate and instruct employees is both a responsibility and a reward.

Entrepreneurship is a lifestyle choice which enables the control of your work environment and the opportunity to be the boss.  The downsides of entrepreneurship are responsibility and struggle.  It is a calculated initial sacrifice to achieve greater gains later.   Entrepreneurs start in disequilibria and often stay in this state for a while; they enjoy and need such a stimulating work environment enough to endure such stress.

Earning serious money is certainly a factor for entrepreneurs, but usually if someone is motivated enough to set up their own business and work hard and smartly to build something great, it takes more than just the thought of money to find the motivation for the often extreme effort needed to take an idea forward.

What drives an entrepreneur is not just making money but testing their limits.  How far can they take a business?  How successful can they be?  What can they achieve?  Can they gain recognition from their competitors and wider business market for what they have achieved?  Entrepreneurs tend also to be driven and frustrated people - there is usually a difference between the idealized future vision of the company in their head and the lower current company performance.

When entrepreneurs take a risk by starting a business, they inevitably go into disequilibria.  This is an example of the strategic use of deliberate disequilibria to get closer to destiny.  Setting up a company needs to be a calculated risk that enables entrepreneurs to move to a higher level of equilibria.  If someone who is not yet achieving the highest possible equilibria in their career to date starts up their own business, they are making a calculated risk that the new business returns will exceed the efforts expended to achieve success.  This new entrepreneur needs to minimise the chances of going into fundamental disequilibria, represented by potential company failure and personal bankruptcy.

Entrepreneurs should ensure they know as much as they can about the sector they are entering, get their strategy right and also try to get the timing right for launching that key product.  Entrepreneurs may decide to hire a team or have a business partner in order to share the burden (although this also diminishes the returns should they be successful).  These are sensible and essential steps that lessen the extent of disequilibria and reduce the risk of falling into fundamental disequilibria - although this can never be totally eliminated since where there is no risk, there is no return.

Running a start-up business involves the management of a series of continuous disequilibria events.  Company cash flow needs to be managed so that the business is running in financial equilibria based on real money in the bank rather than theoretical money invoiced but not yet collected.  The fastest way to fundamental disequilibria in business is to spend money before it has arrived.

Disequilibria for new entrepreneurs may for example concern money issues, staff issues, legal issues, product delays or competitive pressures.  All of these things and many others can take a company into disequilibria, requiring management attention, decision making and solutions to return the company to an all too temporary equilibria. The secret is to recognize the inevitability of these issues, take a sanguine view and manage them calmly one by one as they arise.

Once you have acknowledged that starting a business involves putting yourself on the line and exposing yourself to disequilibria events, you can start to feel less stressed about them.  You are going into a short-term disequilibria state as a strategic calculation so that the mid- to long-term equilibria will be higher and greater than the equilibria that you had working for someone else.  You must manage the resulting stress levels and your reactions to disequilibria all the time; otherwise your personal health will be in danger.

Sometimes entrepreneurs also have to take a stand on principle even if it keeps them out of equilibria in the short term - for example, if a former employee tries to take you to an employment tribunal with a merit-less case.  In the long run, such issues can only make you stronger.  Avoiding disequilibria in these situations is not desirable because the equilibria would be a lower one than an honest, legally- and morally-sensitive person deserves.

An entrepreneur is in equilibria once they are running a great company, growing fast, surrounded by great employees and making enough money to earn a good living from a salary and dividends.  Entrepreneurs also enjoy the admiration of their employees, family, friends, customers and industry colleagues.

An entrepreneur running a global business will probably have to work long hours on the phone late in the evening speaking to staff around the world, but would also have the ability to set his or her own hours.  Being able to set your own time schedule is a key part of the entrepreneurial lifestyle.

Business in General

As for running a business generally, the key issues that can put a business into disequilibria and potentially even fundamental disequilibria are cash flow and personnel.  There is almost always some problem with one or other of these things on starting a company and for the first couple of years of running a business – especially as you establish payment relationships and get to know the right kinds of people to hire.

As for cash flow, the secret is to maintain equilibria - in other words, you must not get into a deficit disequilibria.  You should not live beyond your means, and you can't spend more than you make forever.  Cash flow problems caused by late payment of invoices are a constant cause of stress and disequilibria for entrepreneurs.  You should never assume that a payment will come in on time or even at all.  Cash accounting as opposed to profit and loss accounting helps you run a business at a more realistic level in the early days.  Cash accounting only accounts for actual monies received whereas profit and loss accounting includes monies invoiced, whether they have been received or not.  However there is almost always a time delay in generating accounts and the best thing to do is to check your bank account balance daily so that you can monitor inflowing and outgoing payments.  Not being able to make payroll or pay a large payment owed to a supplier is a primary cause of fundamental disequilibria or business bankruptcy.

Personnel issues are something that an employer needs to be constantly aware of.  It takes a while to learn the different kinds of people that work well within the specific company sector, team and culture, and it is difficult to assess a person for their true attitude and ambition before they have started working for you.  Conversely, the employee may not get a true reflection of the company's position in the market and their position within the company from one or two interviews.  At the start of their employment, a new employee is inevitably in disequilibria while they find their feet, learning about the company and its business.

Changing jobs is always a risk.  New employees are trying to make a favourable impression and attempting to establish themselves, while at the same time assessing whether they made the right decision to change jobs in the first place.  Similarly the employer is also in disequilibria, anxious about whether a new staff member has strengthened rather than weakened the overall team, whether they are earning their keep and whether they have the right attitude and ambition needed for the position.  As with all relationships, it is easier to get into something than get out of it.  The employer is reluctant to let a new employee go after having invested in recruitment and training.  The employee has given up a previous job and will not want to face a period of insecurity without a salary.

Having been with the company for a while and having established trust, respect and expertise in their role, employees reach equilibria.  Once an employer is satisfied that the employee is working hard and performing well, they will also start to appreciate that person and their contribution.  But this equilibria is not something that can be taken for granted - as always, we must remember that equilibria is a temporary state.  Once an employee has been around for a while their role, position, routine and comfort get established.  Some bosses might find it necessary to create a little deliberate disequilibria by expressing a little frustration or dissatisfaction with a project in order to keep employees on their toes. Employees must continue to perform- they cannot rely on their past performance and legacy for ever.

Other employees may also feel threatened when a new staff member joins a business as the result of a growing business or a changing business strategy.  Some employees may get poached by competitors or others may feel like they need a change of scene.  Jobs are not for life and loyalty is transitional; the first responsibility of the employee is to their own needs and career.  The first responsibility of the entrepreneur is to the company and its shareholders rather than to any individual employee.

Adding more staff to strengthen a team on a lower level may also cause disequilibria.  When you supplement the team with an employee of the same rank or specialist skills, the existing employee may feel that their position is being challenged and weakened.  In this case, it is important to ensure that every member of the team understands their role and the company's objectives so that organizational politics can be avoided and good people won't be lost.  If the addition of a new member of staff is vital for growing the company to the next level, the temporary disequilibria cannot be avoided.  Once again, the calculated use of disequilibria to move things forward is a necessary part of progress.  If you have the right employees they will rise to the challenge and go to the next level themselves anyway - or move on.

As a company develops and finds its winning formula it gets the right people selling the right products at the right price in the right places.  Once you reach profitability you can either take the money, stay in your current state of equilibria and coast along or you can take further strategic risks to grow the business to the next level of equilibria.  Whether entrepreneurs reinvest and take more risks depends upon their courage, energy levels, ability to find and - key to getting to a new higher equilibria - hire the right people, financial resources, instinct, business savvy and other factors.

Customer account management is important as a company becomes successful.  Customers need to be able to contact someone who can answer their questions and respond to their requirements.  Initial sales are an important factor in company success but so too is the follow up and ongoing relationship management.  When a good business relationship, based on trust and respect, has been established, the two parties can work together proactively for mutual gain when problems or opportunities arise.  Success in a business is a team effort that results from individual but linked efforts in sales, administration, technology and operations.

As companies grow, their management teams have opportunities to take cash reserves generated from core business areas and reinvest them into new areas of expansion in order to continue business success by exploring new markets and products.  These decisions about where to expand and where not to expand involve another decision related to equilibria.  The level of disequilibria that will be introduced by any new initiatives must also be calculated as something that will generate more benefits than costs within an acceptable timeframe.

It is important in business to avoid what has been called 'penniless prosperity' and for successful entrepreneurs to avoid 'the Winner's Curse'.  Penniless prosperity involves the constant reinvestment of revenues generated in new areas of business expansion.  The Winner's Curse is the pressure on successful entrepreneurs and companies to recreate and repeat their success with another company or product in another market.  This is not always possible because of timing and competition as well as other factors – for example, they may not be able to find another lucrative product to invest in.  The secret is sometimes to do nothing when there is only a marginal business case and the benefits only slightly exceeding the risk profile of the new venture.  We succeed as much by what we say 'No' to as by what we say 'Yes' to.

Another business decision that involves a calculation of equilibria is the selling of a company or the participation in a financial mergers and acquisition transaction.  If a company is in disequilibria and can't get back to equilibria, because the market is changing or the company is too small to stay independent and compete, fundamental disequilibria is caused by internal or external factors.  If this is the case, a financial transaction might save the company and bring it back to a higher or lower level of equilibria, depending on the strategic fit, price being paid, guarantees being given towards staff in the company and other factors.

An alternative exit strategy is to float the company as an Initial Public Offering (IPO) on a stock market.  Benefits here are the cash raised, the credibility profile and the financial discipline of the budgeting, forecasting and planning process.  An IPO involves much time and effort in establishing a management team as well as a team of advisors.  It also means learning scripts to speak from in order to address both the press and the financial community.  The whole thing is a game and a club where you have to say and do the right things in the right way.  The financial industry expects no surprises - a difficult task for company management to complete because the industry itself is largely beyond their control.  The problem is that financial institutions expect equilibria in business to be a permanent state and won't tolerate the deviations or delays as it fluctuates.  There is always a risk that the IPO could go awry if the company misses its promised financial target or the market conditions suddenly change.

The stock market flotation decision also involves another calculated risk that the discipline, resources and growth and credibility will be well worth the stringent financial reporting and other requirements of this public market platform. When considering an exit strategy, an entrepreneur needs to think about a long-term future.  Going public means many changes  and especially brings about a loss of power – setting up a management team, selling shares, potentially losing control of the company.  In this case, there must be certain surety that the financial rewards will greatly outweigh the downside risks to personal wealth and well-being.

Business at its most fundamental is simple – companies buy products at one price and have a set of overheads such as facilities and salaries and sell them for more than what the total purchase and overhead costs were.  Business is about profits and profit margins and not simply about revenue.  Revenue strokes the ego, profits stroke the wallet and many businesses make losses or have tiny profit margins.  There are indeed short-term calculated decisions to reduce margins in order to invest and increase them in the longer term, but generally speaking to make a loss without a concrete and definite plan to make a good margin is 'Busyness not Business'.

Intelligence

Having looked at personal and business success, we will now look at the various other property areas and how they contribute to the achievement of that success.

In its simplest state, intelligence equilibria is about using your brain to its fullest potential; if you have a brain, use it; if you don't, don't.  Use the brains you were born with and sharpen them to their best ability; do not let them whither and die.  The world is a beautiful place waiting for the human mind to grow and sharpen.

Intelligence equilibria occurs when you have the wisdom to understand what has happened in your life, why it has happened, and where you are headed.  You are in equilibria when you have achieved this wisdom and have maximized your own contribution to wider learning and achievement and achieved emotional honesty.

Intelligence equilibria involves receiving parental, educational, creative and religious teachings and understanding them.  It is about education, instinct and learning.  It also involves listening to your heart.  A restless mind is not necessarily a problem as long as it's also a productive mind.  External experience like world travel helps.

Once such intellectual equilibria has been reached, learning can be applied to decisions for life's success.  Different people have different types of intelligence - some people think about everything while others think about nothing; most people fall between these two extremes.

Equilibria in this area is therefore a combination of theoretical learning and practical knowledge, but most of all it concerns your own internal thought processes and their development.  If you listen to these innermost thoughts, acquire wisdom and learn from your mistakes, you are unlikely to repeat past errors.  Being honest is important for achieving a state of intelligence equilibria.  There aren't just two sides to every story - there are two sides to every side of every story.

Intelligence disequilibria happens to people who are not using their intelligence fully in their education, job, relationship and life generally.  It can also happen when people have suppressed the little loud voices in their head crying out the truth to them and which they cannot hear or refuse to recognize.

Intelligence fundamental disequilibria in an extreme case would be described as insanity.

Education 

Education equilibria means having the best possible formal education.  Being taught by great teachers will ensure that qualifications match intelligence.  The right school in the right location needs to come together with the right classmates, teachers, subjects, lessons and textbooks.  Pupils need to be able to achieve the best possible grades and leave school with a good basic education and some qualifications.  They should also have an understanding of what interests them and what they are good at.  Everyone also has a favourite subject and this should be on offer at school for them to study.

Most people do not receive the best results from their school education and equilibria in this area is more luck than judgement for many of those who do.  A good teacher makes all the difference, but motivated, authoritative and knowledgeable teachers are few and far between.  It doesn't matter how good the subject is or how well-behaved and interesting the classmates, if you have a bad teacher your grades will almost certainly be affected.  Even with poor teaching materials in a run-down school, a good teacher who knows and enjoys their subject can make a huge difference and, as a result, becomes the most important factor for a successful formal education.

Education disequilibria happens, for example, when an above average pupil is subjected to an average teaching system.  Mixed ability classes in which pupils of different ability levels are kept in the same class for reasons of political correctness do not help. The result in these cases is boredom, failure in exams or exclusion from school.

Family upbringing and formal school and college education are only a part of achieving a state of equilibria in both education and intelligence areas.   One way to identify your destiny is to take what has been learned from family and formal education and apply it to real-life lessons and observations.  It is important to sense check theory with practice and keep an open mind over the truth.  Obviously some formal educational topics like maths, spelling and science have concrete answers but subjects like commerce are more art than science.  You can have the greatest business education in the world, but if you don't have the innate ability to instinctively interpret business events and make decisions, all formal education is limited in its usefulness.  A great formal education only has a certain influence over personality and ability; it is only a means to an end and not an end in itself.

You can fail exams and resit and pass them to leave disequilibria behind but fundamental disequilibria happens if you leave school without the necessary qualifications and never have the chance to go back and try again.  It was a chance you didn't or couldn't take and will therefore be something you will always regret.

Health 

Health equilibria means that ill health does not affect your daily life and the pursuit of destiny.  Health equilibria also means the absence of pain and suffering.  Minor aliments like colds, flu, eyesight, headaches or toothache should be kept under control.  Major ailments affecting for example major organs like the heart and lungs should be absent.

Listen to the signals that your body is sending out and take care of any messages (pain) it is giving you.  A good state of health might be beyond our control because of certain inherited genes but illness and diseases can be minimised and managed.  Going to the gym is something that many people do; even easier is dancing - a great form of exercise and much more fun than working out.  Keep fit and healthy through diet and exercise in order to prevent heart disease and other health issues.  You don't have to be as fit as an Olympic athlete but being unfit and overweight does not help you achieve a sense of well-being.

It is important to have a balanced diet with plenty of fruit and vegetables, while drinking water is a great way to clean the body's internal systems.  Plenty of sleep is also an important part of maintaining health equilibria.  Both mind and body need to relax and recover from the stresses and strains of everyday life.  Different people put different levels of strain on their bodies - some a lot, some a little and some none at all.  Activities like commuting, walking, working, eating, talking, or just about everything we do puts some level of stress on our bodies.

Addiction is a form of health disequilibria and should be avoided - it is never good to be too dependent upon anything.  Depression can sometimes mean that someone in deep disequilibria can't get back to equilibria through self correction alone but needs the proactive intervention of therapy and medicines as a gap management technique.

More serious mental disorders or even suicide occur once the depression gets too bad to cope with and fundamental disequilibria seems like the best relief and permanent solution to relieve the pressure.  Terminal illnesses resulting in death mean that people have to go from disequilibria to fundamental disequilibria. Death is a return to Equilibria.

Sex

Equilibria in sexual relationships occurs when the sex is consensual and mutually satisfying and both partners feel comfortable as they each enjoy the anticipation, foreplay, intercourse, orgasm and subsequent relaxation.  As long as both partners consent and are comfortable with the type of sexual activity, there should be no problem.  This includes sex with partners of the same sex and sex between multiple participants.

There should be as little guilt as possible after sex and it should therefore probably not include unfaithfulness, prostitution and non-use of contraception unless you have a low level of guilt about such things.  There is no such thing as casual sex, especially not for women who could get pregnant.  Sex can be for fun or for procreation – equilibria is possible in both cases as long as partners share the same objectives from the activity.

Love, trust, respect, attraction and knowledge are a platform for great sexual equilibria.  The form that the sexual activity takes depends on the choice of consenting adults.  Masturbation can be one way to achieve relief and relax and for men to get to sleep.  Pornography is something that some people (especially men) like to use as a tool to achieve sexual satisfaction.

A shallow form of equilibria is present in the complexity of sex as each partner gets to know the other, making sure each is comfortable - particularly important for that first virgin experience.  Deep equilibria happens when both partners are in love, totally comfortable and guilt free.  Sex disequilibria happens when you suffer from a loss of sexual appetite  in general or for some particular sexual partner or, for a man, some sort of erectile dysfunction.  You may also be unable to connect emotionally with others and form intimate relationships.

Fundamental disequilibria in sexual terms happens when social etiquette has gone and sexual frustrations are manifested in actions like rape or child pornography or other forced or perverted sexual behaviour.

Finance

Equilibria in personal monetary terms means having enough money to fund your immediate requirements for expenditure and lifestyle.

Life can throw anything at you and having money makes everything more manageable.  But money is a means to an end and not an end in itself.  The biggest problem is when you don't have enough money to fund what you want to do – like moving away from the parental home, buying your own house or getting married.  Too much money doesn't have to be the goal as long as you don't have too little.  The fact that your partner cannot provide and earn money will seriously hinder and delay your move towards your destiny.

There are various stages of financial freedom - being debt free, having savings and getting to liquidity.  Total liquidity means having the freedom to do what you want without needing to work for a living.  Savings confer equilibria because they reassure you and act as a cushion.  Once you have a substantial amount of funds in the bank you have the ability to change your life and break your current routine if you need to.

Owning valuable property and running your own successful business are two ways to make real financial gains in life - the latter can be more lucrative but is also likely to be much more stressful and difficult to achieve.

Being in debt or not having enough money is disequilibria.  Money can't buy you love, but neither can love buy you money.  It is easier to get into debt than get out of it – in today's society we are too often obsessed with possessions and consumerism.  We use credit to pay for things and spend months afterwards trying to settle the debt by working longer and longer hours.  This is a vicious circle as we get locked even further into our routine just to chase money.  Many people don't actually manage to get out of debt, nor unfortunately do they manage to build up any savings.

Finance disequilibria happens when credit card debts can't be settled in the near future.  When such personal debts become unmanageable and a person is living way beyond their means, fundamental disequilibria sets in.  They can no longer fund their lifestyle or pay off extravagant spending and finally end up filing for personal bankruptcy.

Religion and Spirituality

Many people have some religious or spiritual feeling; they believe in something beyond their day-to-day existence, or would like to believe in something.  It is also a spiritual thing if you believe that everyone has a destiny - a purpose and journey stretching out in front of them.

Equilibria of the spirit involves being at peace with yourself and the environment around you.  Whether or not this is achieved through massage, yoga, meditation, sleep or another therapy, being able to achieve such an inner balance is an important contributor to health equilibria.

A balanced interest in religion can have a positive influence on some people in society.  A community feeling provided by a congregation in a religious building such as a church or mosque can make people feel that they are experiencing some form of equilibria of religion.

However, many people do not believe in a higher power or only consider religion at times of fundamental disequilibria.  For most of the time in their daily lives they do not think about religion but solely focus on immediate priorities such as family, friends and work.

Religious equilibria is a very different and personal experience for different people – for some it means being deeply devout, for some it means occasional visits to religious celebrations and for some it means being a non-believer and never attending religious events.

Religious hatred and extremism causes religion disequilibria for the individual and wider society.  Fundamental disequilibria happens when such religious extremism leads to the use of force or terrorism which harms others. Religious fundamentalism and extremism of any kind becomes fundamental disequilibria when it has exaggerated a particular religious teaching or religious differences which are then used as an excuse or a reason for violence.

Creativity

Creativity equilibria involves the fulfilment of your creative potential.  This means getting what is in your head down on to paper in the form of images, sketches or text.

Everyone is creative to a certain degree.  You can see it in the language they use, the clothes and accessories they choose to wear and the photographs they take.  At an individual level, fashion and home decoration allow people to express their personal taste.  Even a simple awareness of nature or architecture is an expression of creativity.

Most people show their creativity in painting, drawing, writing, speaking, taking photographs or in some other way.  Developing these skills encourages another more visual or imaginative side to their personality, which will again help them when it comes to everyday work or personal relationships.

It is important for achieving destiny that individuals spend time doing what is creatively fulfilling for them.  The secondary goal from creative output is for the true value of that creative work to be fully recognized by fellow creative peers and the wider public.  Financial recognition of creative talent in the form of monetary earnings is another secondary goal, but still important.

Whilst everyone has some creative talent, not everyone can be an artist.  The possession of a strong creative talent is a gift that should be nurtured rather than neglected.  Having and not using your creativity is regrettable for both yourself and others.

Creativity is your external interpretation of your internal impressions.  Creative disequilibria happens when you don't or can't communicate what you intangibly feel into a tangible form.

Creative fundamental disequilibria is a complete inability to express what you feel.

Family

Family equilibria happens when parents have bought their children up well enough for them to be proud of their offspring's achievements.  A loving and supportive upbringing will give a child a solid foundation from which to be able to find its own way and success in the world.

Children grow up and need to be able to determine their own destiny, breaking away from the clutches of parental influence and living their own lives.  Parents need to see their children grow up and become independent, supporting them as necessary while they attempt to achieve their own personal equilibria.  Children should not be smothered by their parents and parents should not be ashamed of or estranged from their children.  There is no harm whatsoever in a close parent/child relationship and as long as this supports the child's life and lifestyle rather than stifling or dictating it.  A child should never end up like their parents and it is not a good thing if the adult/child can't transcend their own upbringing and create a life for themselves rather than replicating that of their parents.  A child should take the best of the last generation and extend it with their own personality and talents.  Circumstances and opportunities change from generation to generation.  Just because the parents never had the chance to go to university, it does not stop the current generation from achieving such a goal.   Parents should love their children unconditionally, realizing that they must let them live their own lives.

Having children is not possible or desirable for everyone. Some people adore children and others prefer a different lifestyle. The biological clock plays a role as people try to balance the twin demands of a successful working and personal life. Having children creates a huge sense of meaning to life for many and also helps provides a stronger purpose for what is often a long life on Earth.

Another version of family equilibria is achieved once children have grown up and as adults can understand, appreciate and respect their parents.  The old saying that you can choose your friends, but not your family, is true; whether siblings get on well or not depends upon age, gender and many other factors.  But ultimately loyalty is the bottom line - blood is thicker than water.

Family disequilibria arises in circumstances when, for example, a parent abandons a child or when parents cannot stop themselves from interfering in the life of their children as they grow up.

Family fundamental disequilibria occurs, for example, in the rejection of a child.  Parents may choose to reject their child because of their choice of life partner, sexuality or other factors.  Sexual abuse of children would be a deep experience of this state.

Home 

Home equilibria arises when the home you live in is a comfortable safe environment in which the people who live there, their furniture and their other possessions are in harmony with each other and with their external surroundings.  Co-existing peacefully with neighbours, being in the right location and having a safe and clean local environment are also important for an enjoyable home lifestyle.

Some people like living in houses, some in flats; some people like being in city, some town and some in the country.  There is no single best way to live in a home – you just need a place that suits your current needs and circumstances.  Young single people may want to live in central party areas of cites, but such surroundings may not be suitable for raising children in later in life.  In addition some people prefer to rent, while others want to buy their own house or flat.  The key is not to saddle yourself with a mortgage that you cannot afford.  A home is a means to an end; it should just be a comfortable and convenient place to live, relax and sleep.

A house becomes a home when it has been decorated in a way that reflects the personal style and interests of its inhabitants.  A home needs to have proper access to all utilities; it needs to be clean and should be furnished as comfortably as possible.

The location of your home should ideally be close to where you want to live to suit your lifestyle preferences.  This could mean being close to where you work, to where your friends live or to shops and other local amenities.  Some people have determined that their proper home equilibria is living and working in a city during the week and relaxing in the countryside at weekends.

Home disequilibria arises when a person is living in the wrong kind of home environment for their needs and circumstances. They may be immobile and trapped in a high rise block of flats, or feel unsafe to walk the streets.

Sport 

Different people have different aptitudes for different sports.  Some people can develop a talent in their preferred sport and there are a host of major and minor, local and global, sports on offer to suit different people.   Both team games and individual sports test our limits.  We might dream before a match of winning single-handedly but soon recognise the need for team support once the game begins.  There is nothing better as an escape than being fully engrossed in a competitive game: the focus makes you forget everything else that is going on.  Watching as well as playing sport helps with the passage and enjoyment of life; it binds people together and is a talking point within and across countries and communities, providing entertainment both on and off the pitch.

Sport equilibria means not only playing sport but also watching games and supporting a team.  Many people play sport when they are young and then support a team as they grow up, watching sport at live events or on television.  Sport equilibria happens when a person enjoys the sport they do, is good at it and gains recognition for their skill from team mates and spectators.

After sporting activity you often go into disequilibria if you get aches and pains, but these are ultimately good for your health equilibria.  Sport disequilibria also happens when you get injured and can't participate in your chosen sport.  At a team level, sport disequilibria could arise when your team splits up due to internal dissent or loss of interest.  Conversely, it can arise when an individual doesn't recognise the need to retire and step aside and let younger people take over their place.

    Fundamental disequilibria means that a long-term injury prevents you ever playing your favourite sport again.

Travel 

Overseas business or holiday travel is a chance to increase informal learning as it broadens the mind and provides perspective.  The world is an amazing and diverse place in terms of people, cultures and geographies but if we stay safely at home our ambitions and understanding of the world and our role within it are likely to be limited.   We can only understand our own quality of life by comparing and contrasting it with other cultures and communities.

It is important to have an understanding and sensitivity towards global world affairs and current events.  When we see how different people do the same things as we do but in different ways, we learn to appreciate the finer points of our own life and the areas where other cultures are more advanced.  We tend to take our own routines, systems and lifestyles for granted.

It is possible for someone to reach their destiny without ever having travelled if they have participated fully in their own local community and have achieved their personal potential.  However, in the developed world, where travel is widely and reasonably cheaply available, there is no real excuse for not attempting to understand the differences between countries and cultures at first hand. Knowing or meeting someone locally helps you appreciate a place at a deeper level.

At a simple local level, travel equilibria means avoiding a long commute.  Commuting is something that takes up a lot of precious time and energy.  Some commutes might be better than others, but I don't believe that there is such a thing as a 'quality commute'.  Trains are often crowded and delayed and roads are increasingly congested.  It is important to be able to get to where you want to go, but in a timely and efficient manner.

Travel equilibria breaks a home routine and it especially arises when the travel gives you what you want when you want it - a relaxing holiday if you need to recharge your batteries and a challenging adventure holiday if you feel like you need to get away from office life.

On the other hand, travel disequilibria means a poor travel experience when you have had a stressful trip and a bad flight to get to your destination or you have not achieved what you wanted from a holiday.  You have been ripped off by local taxi drivers and traders, you have had to put up with badly-run hotels, or you have had to stay unexpectedly in a terrible tourist trap.

Travel fundamental disequilibria would involve being in some kind of catastrophic event like an aeroplane crash or natural disaster.

Politics

Equilibria in politics is present when the government and public sector in a country are effective.  The money raised through a country's taxation and spent on public services must provide suitable provision of these public services to the citizens of that country.

Government and taxation are not free choices.   Individuals can't simply say they want a change of government or aren't willing to pay taxes.  On the other hand, most people don't mind contributing to the country in which they live if they feel they and their fellow citizens are getting value for money and high-quality public services.  Good schools, effective policing, a safe living environment and quality healthcare are amongst those that are the most desirable.

Unfortunately a country's public sector is not as efficient in allocating and spending money in order to provide high-quality services as the private sector.   Money often gets wasted and public spending increases at a faster rate than real service improvements.  Taxes rise and the productive sector in the economy is burdened with more of the responsibility for the public sector's inefficiency.  Productive citizens generally have no problem providing for their weak, less fortunate and less productive fellows, but there is no reason why these few should shoulder the burden of the great many, just because politicians and civil servants cannot spend money wisely and are not directly accountable for their failure to allocate resources effectively.

Entrepreneurs come from the shark and tiger pool, politicians come from the shadow and ghost pool.  It is hardly surprising that the two don't get along easily.  The problem is that the productive people do not want to go into, and cannot really be expected to go into, the public sector.  Why should an exceedingly capable business person become a teacher in a school where they are underpaid, subject to abuse and potential violence, and expected to teach classes for which they are not qualified?  Workers like teachers and nurses are considered to be the cream of the public service because they endure poor pay for poor conditions.  In fact, in terms of equilibria, these people enjoy doing a job that gives something back to the community and are generally at a level of work that suits their capabilities.

Cynics would say that there is no such thing as equilibria in politics.  The public sector can never attract the best people who will deliver the best plans that will deliver the necessary results.  Politics is the avoidance of fundamental disequilibria – a staying in power, a focusing on short-term issues and a form of self-survival for the politicians.  All that can be done is to attract people into public service who have already made their mark in the private sector and want to give something back.  But even these altruistic people often get bogged down in inertia and bureaucracy before being in the public sector for long.

It is important to recognize the limits of a government's effectiveness and to have the courage and ability to realize when there is no point sending good money after bad.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Having the discipline to understand that these limits exist is not something that comes naturally to a politician.  People who have achieved positions of power in the public sector tend to believe in the power of their position and are determined to exercise it and make the most of it.  This flaw in the system - the fact that people don't tend to face up to their limitations but want to cling onto their power - also prevents the efficient allocation of public sector resources. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Effective politics is about managing the things that can't be done through the private sector and making the most efficient provision of services that the public wants to see funded by the public purse.   Governments should be used to provide suitable frameworks and environments for everyone to achieve their own personal and private destinies without any public interference – there should therefore be no jury service, census or identity cards, for example.  I could even here present an extreme view by saying that ideally continent-wide, regional or local forms of government are all barriers to an individual's freedom and just mean more government not better government.

People who are keen on reaching higher states of equilibria in all areas of their lives and who are ambitiously pursuing their own destiny will always tend to vote for a pro-business political party; those people who don't care or who are lazy will vote for the socialist pro-government political parties; and the average majority, who feel they have got as far as they can go or are happy with the status quo, will vote for the liberal or other weak nice parties.  It is these people who determine the outcome of elections and politicians will always tend to tell voters that they support expenditure on health, education and police to win votes.  This is not because they will spend this money wisely but because they have to say that they can do it well in order to stand any chance of success.

Democracy is the least worst form of government.  Politics itself is an inherent contradiction.  Governments are initially useful to help developing economies but once a certain level has been reached, the costs of providing further public services far outweigh the benefits received by those for whom the services were intended.   Politicians always overstep the mark and governments usually over legislate, never knowing when to stop such provision of non-services.

Fundamental disequilibria in politics happens when a country's costs spiral out of control and its people revolt as they realize that they no longer have freedom of action to achieve their own personal destinies.  They have to express it in revolution to effect a change to a better existence both for themselves and for others around them.

Economics

At a personal level, economics equilibria concerns, as I have already outlined above in the financial section, achieving equilibria in monetary terms.  At a macroeconomic level, such equilibria concerns the sound economic management of a country's economy.  Governments and economic authorities like central banks should allow the economy to work at its naturally arising levels of growth, wealth and employment.

For example, there is an economic indicator called 'NAIRU' or 'naturally arising rate of unemployment'.  This means that there are always some people who are not working or looking for work.  Above that level, people are unemployed because of structural inefficiencies in the economy or bad economic management.  People are also always looking for new jobs voluntarily or involuntarily (because they have been laid off or unable to find work).

Economies that grow at a rapid rate overheat and then go into recession until the economic cycle picks up again have been a fixture in economic history since the beginning of time.  These boom and bust cycles have been criticized recently by governments that spend their time ensuring stability rather and preventing extreme fluctuations in exchange rates, employment and inflation.

Governments are inefficient at spending the money they raise through taxation because they are unable to allocate funds efficiently.  They do not have the help of the 'invisible hand' that the free market relies on.  Politicians have to believe in themselves otherwise they wouldn't have gone into government.  This self belief and their need to please the electorate with improved public services leads governments to raise taxes so that they can increase expenditure and cover their budget deficits.  More money can then be spent and wasted.

The burden of tax inevitably falls upon the country's most productive citizens and businesses.  These are then slowed down in their efforts to create wealth as more and more of it has to go back to the government via taxation.  The economic impetus these people have initially provided through new staff, sales, exports and things like advertising, are then limited; and it is this lost impetus that slows the economy down.

Debt can be used as a form of deliberate disequilibria to move a country to a new level from an investment perspective.  As long as debt is manageable and the money has not been wasted, it is sustainable.  At a macro level, fundamental disequilibria happens when a potentially wealthy country is mismanaged by its politicians and ends up defaulting on its loans.

Society

At a macro level, equilibria in society calls for an environment that is perceived to be and is actually safe and secure for residents and visitors.

Threats of violence, crime, drug abuse and other factors lead to disequilibria and the fabric of that society is punctured.  Society disequilibria is always a risk and a variable at a local level when different people at different levels in a society live in the same community.

The presence of police, concerned residents, closed circuit television and home security measures help to ensure that even areas that could be perceived as dangerous are made safe for residents.  Guns do more to encourage disequilibria than prevent it because their availability in itself leads to their usage.   The presence of disequilibria in society won't go away but there is also a natural tendency towards equilibria, assuming that most people want to live and work in a peaceful, safe environment.

At a micro level, society equilibria expects an individual to be able to call on a network of family members, friends, neighbours and co-workers.  Different people need different levels of relationships with these people for them to become a part of society.   Some people need to be surrounded by friends at all times while other people prefer their own company.  Some are closer to their family than others and not everyone wants or even likes children or pets.  Having someone to socialize with when you want to go out helps increase enjoyment from life mainly because it gives you the choice of not being alone.

On a personal level, society equilibria is also about getting the right life and work balance.  At a wider community level, it is important for an area to be able to provide a full set of local amenities for its citizens - schools, cafes, offices, shops, homes, bars and sports facilities.  It is important for people to be able to socialize in a safe and comfortable environment.  And different people at different times want a range of social venues like bars, restaurants and nightclubs.

Equilibria within a society's culture is the presence and recognition of what makes a country unique – its history, buildings, art, people and geography.  At a lower level, a society's cultural equilibria is the easy availability of art, films, newspapers, books, magazines, television and music.  'Music is the soundtrack of your life' as someone once said and it is certainly true that music can improve and reflect the journey that a life may take.

Technology

Technology is a means to an end and not an end in itself. Technology should not dictate, dominate or determine the outcome of someone's destiny but it should enable an individual to reach their full personal potential.  We should not develop or deploy technology for technology's sake.  Reliability and ease of use are the key.

Technology enables communication; this is important in a world in which people are often apart from family, friends and colleagues or generally for anyone who wants to establish or continue communication with other people.  Distance and presence becomes less important as teleworking and global working are enabled.

Technologies like the PC, fixed and mobile phones, satellites, email, text messaging, instant messaging and the Internet have all played fundamentally positive roles in improving the quality of life, safety and freedom of individuals around the world.  Text messaging on mobile phones has changed the way that people communicate and has opened up a whole new means of interaction.  Email has replaced the fax and the memo as the main way to exchange information.  Companies with remote workers all over the world are able to communicate instantly via instant messaging on their PC or mobile device.  Mobile phones enable people to stay in touch and be productive wherever they may be - whether in a city or on a beach.  The Internet allows people to post information to the whole world in a way that was never previously possible in the days when paper and print were the main forms of disseminating ideas and opinions.

On the whole, technology has had a very positive impact on the world and enabled its inhabitants to work and live at higher standards.  Biotechnology and the development of medicines are having a positive impact in preventing and curing diseases.  But technology is not a panacea and it remains mysterious and frustrating to many of us whose PC has crashed or whose computer has been attacked by a pointless virus.  This is when technology disequilibria kicks in.

    Fundamental disequilibria in this area could be some terrible event caused by a serious viral, biological or chemical terrorist attack.

Environment

Environment equilibria arises when there is a stable balance between the environment and its inhabitants; the environment does not overtly impede the way that people live their lives and the way people live their lives does not harm the environment.

Environmental disequilibria can arise when uncontrollable natural forces like earthquakes and hurricanes occur.  Our environment is a beautiful and amazing thing and a rainbow is a wonderful equilibria event as the extremes of the climate - from stormy rain to sun - combine to let us know that the environment is back in equilibria again.

Between the extremes of environmental equilibria and disequilibria, gap management techniques like recycling and pollution control protect the environmental balance and avoid a gradual trend towards disequilibria.  In the longer term such an imbalance could lead to a state of environmental disequilibria for future generations to come.

The theory of evolution means that as the environment evolves so too does the species that populate the Earth.  Adaptation to climate change for example means that a state of disequilibria has been avoided.

Fundamental disequilibria in environmental terms might mean the extinction of a species that has not evolved and could also involve a catastrophic event which might wipe out irreplaceable communities.  The Earth is indeed not a gift from our parents but a loan from our children and grandchildren.

Discussing these different property areas of life shows us that there are many different elements to achieving Equilibria in any area, let alone destiny. Let us know discuss the implications of the theory and summarise. Finding Your Level of Equilibria

This book has attempted to help all of us find our own optimal and ideal state of equilibria – in other words, how to do the best with whatever is at hand in order to maximize success and happiness.  At whatever level they find themselves, people can always improve their circumstances but it is also important to recognize that different people have different and naturally-occurring levels of equilibria.  If you don't recognize these different levels, you will end up banging your head against a brick wall trying to change someone who is unwilling or unable to change; so 'know thyself' but also know those around you.

It has to be noted that a different destiny awaits different people.  People are not born equal and do not grow up to become equal.  The world is not fair.  Each of us needs to maximize our achievements from a different set of circumstances.  'The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights' as the saying goes.  It also follows then that different people will have different sets of equilibria.  There are a lot of nice people out there who do nice things and have average lives.  The secret of success is to be as nice as you can be and as 'unnice' as you have to be.

People find others with similar high or low levels of expectations about life, gravitating towards those who have similar aspirations.  Having a house and a family is enough to make some people happy.  They might also have quite a good job or trade.  To a large degree this means that these people have met their destiny - they have achieved the correct level set by their circumstances and expectations.

Born in different places and into different circumstances, we each have different looks, levels of intelligence and upbringings that will affect where our ultimate destiny lies.  This is not to say that it is not possible to transcend birth circumstances.  We have seen how family and education are key factors in the process.  People are heavily affected by their parents' values and by the standard and level of teaching that they get at school.  It is possible to transcend both things if you are a good person living with an average family and getting average schooling, but this is not easy.

Generally speaking it is important to consider how people ended up in the position they are in.  This is often a product of education and environment - their family upbringing, the quality of education they have received and their own expectations.  But people who have not had a decent education can still be successful and reach their destiny.  Intelligent, ambitious, charismatic people can always transcend their background and upbringing and achieve great things.

People find their own level; the cream does tend to rise, the losers do tend to lose, and people generally do tend to get what they deserve.  Average people will produce average results. There are talkers and there are doers.  Plenty of people talk a good story; listening to them you would think that they had either missed their station in life and could have done much better or were still destined for greatness as soon as they finally made that leap and started their own business.  The successful people are the doers, the frustrated people are the dreamers and the weary masses are the dejected.

I often think in terms of an 80/10/10 rule – 80 percent of the population are 'average', 10 percent are 'good' and 10 percent are 'bad'.  The secret of success in life is to avoid the bad, ignore the average and help the good.  A good company is just a collection of good people while average people produce average results and bozos hire bozos.  In relationships, you need to find a personal partner who complements and completes you.

We are all subject to a sphere of influence.  You can only change yourself by up to around 25 percent.  People can improve themselves in many ways, but they principally remain themselves. You cannot manufacture charisma or intelligence, you can only hone or sharpen what you have been born with.  It is possible to be someone you are not for a short while if a partner or boss dictates how you must act, but once that relationship or job is over, you are likely to revert to your old self.

Summary

How many of us actually achieve our destiny in the end?  We might be successful in our career or in our personal life, but how many people manage to do both?  Work success, personal success and inner stability are hard enough to achieve on their own, let alone simultaneously.

Even successful men and women with families and great careers want more.  When we are frustrated in love, it is easy to invest time in our careers and when we are content in love it is easy for our career to take a back seat.  We are only one person experiencing all of life's necessities, pleasures and distractions; and it is hard to find time to do everything.

It is important to recognize and accept that you will always be in transition.  Even when your business, job or personal relationship is going well, there will always be stages to work through, challenges to be met and plenty to go wrong.  Personal and work success is never built overnight.  It takes a great deal of time, effort and know-how to build a business or a relationship worth having.  There will always be better, more or different things to be achieved and such achievements are always rewarding.  You can have everything you need, but not everything you want.  To have all that you want in all life's areas, and over a long period of time, is something that not everyone achieves.

We do need to use deliberate disequilibria strategically as a tool to enable us to get to a higher level of equilibria. In this way, disequilibria can act as an impetus for change, especially if a state of fundamental disequilibria dictates it must happen. I do think that emotional honesty is the most important skill in achieving your destiny: being brutally honest with yourself about the state of your relationship and the state of your company's sustainable competitive advantage.

The most positive thing about the world is that inherently everything tends towards equilibria.  The world is ultimately self-correcting because most people inherently and instinctively want to be in equilibria; they just want peace and stability.  Systems do self-correct and can also be corrected so that disequilibria can be managed back to equilibria,and fundamental disequilibria can actually lead to a new level of equilibria.  We all want to improve ourselves as individuals and great strides of progress have been made over the centuries in terms of world economic development and higher standards of living.

You will not connect to very many people at a fundamental level during the course of your life.  When you do make a connection to those people, you must cherish it, prolong it and invest in it.  When you are happy in your job at a certain time you should enjoy the feeling.  Knowing when to change and when not to means you will have few, if any, future regrets.

I hope that the in equilibria theory will help you make the right decisions at the right time in order to maximize your full potential.  If so, you should live a happy and fulfilled life, and, if you play the game well, you may even achieve your destiny, who knows?  Above all, we need to remember that there is no point in holding all the cards if you don't play them. At the end of your life, all you can say is that 'I was dealt a hand, and I played it fully.'